Saturday, July 14, 2012
Excited and Scared
Lately I have been feeling a mixture of boredom and anxiousness. I have been moderately busy as I complete little (but necessary) duties, such as organizing meetings for site development and filing the receipts that collectively complete my large consortium grant. We’ve got just one last big meeting in a nearby community to ensure that a new volunteer will be placed in San Juan, and I am a couple of hours short of having an entire year’s worth of grant accounts organized. I’ve nearly finished several obligations that were meant to be tackled this summer, and I am looking ahead to three upcoming medical missions where I will serve as a translator between doctor and patient. Considering that I have been decently productive in my community and my upcoming weeks will be super busy, I wonder if my boredom is coming from external sources. I think I am bored and anxious from my increasing projections of what life might look like once I end my service. I am ready to have a normal social life again and I [think I] want to return to a normal, 8-5 job. I only have two and a half months left here - a thought which is both terrifying and exhilarating. As excited as I may feel about getting a busier job or becoming social again, I also thank God every day for this opportunity to work in the Dominican Republic. I can’t yet pinpoint the ways in which I have changed, but I have undoubtedly become a better person during these two years, and I feel grateful for having been afforded this opportunity to work and grow in a different country. Despite my frustrations here regarding different work ethic, men, noise, etc, I admittedly love the adventure of living in a foreign country. Every day feels new and unexpected, and I feel sad about giving that up. I often wonder what role the Dominican Republic will play in my life once I return to the States. Perhaps I will feel drawn to return one day, but it’s possible that what is left of this experience is the ability to speak Spanish, a new career path and a bigger (more sensitive) heart.